Learning to trust my body.

So the last few  days whilst amping up my exercise routine i've had to really learn to trust my body.
This seems like a really silly concept but having gone through a horrible pregnancy and birth with Noah my body didn't really fill me with joy!

"Most" pregnancies are perfect. Yeah crampy and uncomfortable, yes you get bloated and hot and you sometimes get reflux for no reason. I call that the perfect pregnancy. My pregnancy with Noah on the other hand was filled with fear, pain and just waiting for the bad news to arrive. Each week that went past it got a little easier to relax and hold on to the hope that Noah would pull through.

I found out I was pregnant at 5 weeks after being admitted for what I thought was an allergic reaction to Tramadol. Although I am "officially" allergic to tramadol I also had morning sickness and didn't realise. Hence becoming dehydrated and in hospital! Morning sickness- Is totally normal for the first 12 weeks in a perfect pregnancy! But then at 8 weeks I had a major bleed. I had just been shopping with my mother and my 20 week pregnant sister when it happened. I ran to my mum and broke down in hysterics. She called my Husband and I cried and cried. He picked me up and we drove to the closest hospital. We were sitting in the waiting room for all of about 2 minutes before I was called up. I believe we were pushed to the front of the line because of my hysterical crying more than anything because once I got inside the doctor said that they will take bloods and organise an ultrasound for later in the week. Because it was so early they couldn't check for a heartbeat and the sonographer had gone home already. Again more tears. I just wanted to know if my baby was still with us!

Andrew and I drove home- In complete silence. I hopped into bed and I just wanted to disappear. I called my GP the next day and he got me a referral to see a private sonographer who could get me in that day. The hospital had still not called to book me in for a scan. Assuming that I had miscarried and really not wanting to deal with other people I headed to the ultrasound on my own.

She switched on the machine, put the gel on my belly and waved it around and there he was... This tiny little jelly bean with the most beautiful heart beat!

They did the scan free of charge and were just as happy as I was to see the good news! The second I was out of there I called Andrew and my mum and let them know. I was over the moon but so confused. Why would my body bleed when the baby is still there?

After seeing my GP he cleared up a few things. Firstly the bleed was a subchrionic hematoma. Mine was fairly large and my GP was quite concerned from that moment onwards at nearly 9 weeks I was on bed rest. At that stage I was allowed to potter around the house but no lifting, no long walks etc.

My morning sickness was, as those around me would recall, fairly epic! I was very sick. I was so sick I lost alot of weight even with being on bed rest and eating as much as possible. It was like a horrible dream that I just couldn't wake up from.

I had a few more bleeds before our wedding and then over did it at our wedding and had another big bleed which was all I could think about on our honeymoon. At around 23 weeks my doctor suggested I pack my hospital bag just in case I need to deliver Noah early. When I was told this, I freaked out. We were about to move to Mackay and I really had no idea what I would do if I gave birth to a very premature baby!

26 weeks came and I sighed a small breath of relief. Around 26 weeks is when they consider your baby, a baby and will fight for him/her! 30 weeks came as well and around this point I found a routine that worked, zofran was working better and I was taking it easy and getting stuck into my cross stitch. We had a few trips to the hospital for bleeding and braxton hicks but they were happy to just keep me on bed rest.

The next few weeks were "tight" Noah grew and grew and for once I felt pretty happy. He was frank breech so his head was in my ribs making things very uncomfortable. I had alot of horrible braxton hicks but nothing too bad. My birthday came and Noah was 37 weeks. I had a pretty full on night (for someone on bed rest!) The next 3 days were filled with epic braxton hicks which I ended up giving in to and ducking up to the hospital. Assuming we were just going to get checked over I packed a quick bag, put a load of washing on and didn't bother making the bed.

We arrived and I was checked out. (The rest is my birth story which is in another post)
Basically I had to have an emergency c-section with Andrew by my side and Noah was handed to us!
Finally safe and sound!

I think in reality the whole time he was on the inside I wasn't sure that he was going to make it and the second he was in my arms I knew I could take care of him, I could protect him.

Ahhh Anyways. Massive vent!